Authenticity Isn’t What You Think It Is
I have written a lot about authenticity here.
Not because I think I am authentic.
But because it is a goal of mine to be.
Recently someone told me,
“I like that you’re just yourself and you don’t care what anyone else thinks.”
I laughed out loud.
Because I care what everyone thinks.
Every single person.
I think about what other people think far too often.
I wonder what children think of me.
I wonder what animals think of me.
Sometimes I wonder what my car thinks of the way I drive it.
I admire people who truly do not care what others think.
I wish I had more of that in me.
But those people are not me.
Now… does that mean I’m inauthentic?
Not necessarily.
Because caring what people think and being yourself are not actually opposites.
I can care what people think…
and still show up as myself.
Which means he may have been right about something.
I am myself.
I snort when I laugh really hard.
I can eat more french fries than anyone I know.
I dance when I eat good food. Or just in general–I love to dance, I am just no good.
McDonald’s is, and will probably always be, my favorite restaurant.
I talk to myself.
A lot.
Like… a lot a lot.
I love children, but I have never wanted any of my own.
I’m a terrible salesman.
Groups of people make me uncomfortable, but somehow I can get on this blog and expose my innermost thoughts to anyone who feels like reading them.
I used to want to be a truck driver.
Someday I want to live in a trailer.
If you say “stop”, I will say “collaborate and listen”. If you say “First things first”, I will say “I’m a realist”.
I feel like I do not fit the picture of what I think a 41-year-old woman should be.
In many ways, I feel very behind.
But some things — no matter how much I care what people think — will never change who I am, what I am passionate about, or how I move through the world.
The truth is, I have no trouble being authentic with people who make authenticity easy.
The people who love me for who I am.
The people who are authentic with me.
The ones who show up as themselves first.
I struggle much more with authenticity around people I do not know… or people who make me feel shame when I show any of it.
Because authenticity almost always requires reciprocity.
Real and fake don’t coexist for long.
One eventually makes the other uncomfortable.
So maybe authenticity isn’t just about courage.
Maybe it’s also about safety.
Some people make it easier to be yourself.
But eventually, if you want to live honestly, you have to learn to do it even when it feels uncomfortable.
Even when you are not sure how it will be received.
Even when part of you wishes you cared a little less what everyone thinks.
Because the truth is…
I am myself.
A little weird.
A little behind.
A little unsure sometimes.
But still myself.
And the older I get, the more I’m learning that authenticity isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about slowly realizing that who you already are…
is enough.
Even if she’s a little weird.
If this resonated with you, you might also like:
❤️ Curiosity vs. Being Right
What happens when we stop trying to win and start trying to understand
❤️Private
On being deeply open… and still feeling like a private person
