There Is No Such Thing as One-Way Liberation

One of my favorite authors, Glennon Doyle, uses the phrase “there is no such thing as one-way liberation.” I don’t know if she coined it, but it was the first time I had ever heard the idea stated so clearly. It stopped me because it gave language to something I had believed for a long time but hadn’t yet fully named.

Because of Jesus, I believe that nothing that seems to have been done to us will remain that way forever. If someone breaks up with you, not only have they liberated themselves (which is where we tend to keep our focus and our hurt), but they have also liberated you.

Because as painful as it is, we do not actually want to be in a relationship with someone who is unable or unwilling to choose us. You may wish they wanted to be with you. That part makes sense. But until something changes, staying would only require pretending—or shrinking—or hoping against reality.

That truth doesn’t remove the grief.

But it does reframe the loss.

I’ve seen this play out in work environments as well. When an employee leaves a job, they haven’t only liberated themselves—they’ve also made space for someone else.

A position opens.

A role shifts.

A new opportunity appears that wouldn’t have existed otherwise.

Most of us are where we are today because someone else moved on. Someone resigned. Someone took a different path. Someone left room behind them.

I believe that God does not operate in zero-sum outcomes. What is right for one person is not automatically wrong for another. God’s goodness is not limited, and His care does not cancel itself out. That doesn’t mean we don’t consider others in our decision-making—we do. But it does mean that even when our choices affect people we care about, God is still holding everyone involved.

Everyone. Every single person.

There is no such thing as one-way liberation.

This belief mattered deeply to me when I was considering divorce. I was heartbroken at the thought of hurting my husband, our families, and our shared community by choosing to walk away—especially because he is a good man. I wrestled with confusion, grief, and a sense of responsibility for the pain my decision would cause. What I knew, though, was that continuing forward required us both to live out something that no longer fit the truth of where we were. And I believed that God is more honored by honesty than by endurance for endurance’s sake. So I chose what felt like the most faithful option available at the time: to release us both.

Not as a rejection.

Not as a failure.

But as an act of trust that God could meet each of us beyond what we could hold together.

Healing did not happen all at once. And it did not look the same for each of us.

But choosing to heal—on both sides—was its own form of liberation.

There is no such thing as one-way liberation.

God works all things together for good for those who love Him.

Not just one person’s good.

Not just one version of the story.

All of it.

But we do have to be open to seeing it. We have to be willing to consider that the breakup, the job loss, the closed door, or the friend who walked away—while painful—may also be an invitation into something freer and truer. Because we do not want relationships that require us to abandon ourselves. We do not want love that depends on imbalance. We do not want work that costs us our integrity. We do not want opportunities that bring more harm than good. So the next time someone walks away—or a door refuses to open—remember this:

You may not have just lost something.

You may have been liberated.

And with that liberation comes the possibility of noticing what became available once you were no longer holding what could not stay.

The phrase “there is no such thing as one-way liberation” is attributed to Glennon Doyle, whose work has helped shape my understanding of faith, truth, and freedom.